Some thoughts on grief

 

I mean I am no expert on grief I can only really relate to you my personal experiences and what I have observed from others on their journeys. I say journeys because I am a firm believer that grief is not a linear thing. It's not a check off list where you can just say "okay today is the funeral I cry today and move onto another check box on some grief list." I personally have tried to challenge myself to allow myself to really feel the feelings as they come and practice mindfulness more when the feelings come. I assume I may have lost some of you with the word mindfulness. It's actually one of my personal goals this year to be more mindful when emotions bubble up and notice them for what they are and take the time to sit with them... feel them out and process what that emotion is and why I am feeling it. This is important because no matter what sort of grief you are going through "loss of a job, loss of a loved one etc" you will be on this little personal journey. I have noticed no one grieves the same. Each person has to really take that grief into their heart and process it over time. I try to let people breath in that grief. How we process it will for sure be different some people may never really touch their grief. I tend to have some really strong emotions up front that I have to sort through right away and then over time I will get little thoughts here or there about that person or thing that I have to work through. I will also say I am the type of person that may need help sorting through the grief if it is a mixed emotion situation. A good example of this is that my uncle just passed. I am a transparent person and him and I never had a good relationship. I felt so conflicted all day yesterday because I did  not have the same relationship others had with him it was so complicated and honestly today I am still trying to process him passing and what does that mean for my heart and for me. This is the type of situation where I may reach out and schedule a therapy session or reach out to an online community for support. I use the Sanvello App for mental health support weekly. I want you to take away from my little thoughts here that it is okay to ask for help. It is okay to ask others to sit with you in your grief even if you cannot verbalize what is going on inside. It is also okay to feel other emotions in your grief. I remember laughing at my grandpas funeral and feeling like "OMG-- what is going on you cannot be happy right now." This is such an old idea and out dated. You are allowed to live. You are allowed to be happy. I know that my grandpa Jupe would have loved to see me smiling and thinking of him. 

I hope that in your life when you come to the hard moments that you seek the help you need and know that grief is normal. It is part of life and you are not alone in it. 

Stay safe and be healthy out there-

Emily 

Foo Fighters Appreciation Post

 

I mean at this point I would think people would start to understand my undying love for not only all things Foo Fighters but Dave Grohl (lead singer). I wanted to just type up some of my thoughts in a post to sort of focus in on my thoughts on this band. I really struggled throughout my entire life with mental health and something about the music specifically during COVID-19 isolation helped me get through and cling onto hope at times. I think I am so drawn to this band because their lyrics and the music fuse so well together. Some of their music is hard and almost metal like but other albums like Skin and Bones are soft and smooth. No matter what mood you are in you can find a song or vibe in their collection of albums (and there are 26 years worth) to listen to. I have actually been listening to their albums in order the past couple days to prepare myself for my 5th time seeing them in concert this Friday. It's not just music they have documentaries they have done and music specials like the one time they wrote an entire album exploring certain cities in the US. 

I am going to now share with you my favorite song and no... it is not Everlong. I make that joke because that is the most popular of their songs that they pretty much have to play at every concert forever till they die. My favorite song comes from the album "Skin and Bones" 2006 release. The song which is the same name as the album Skin and Bones is the pinnacle of what I adore in their song writing with a smooth lyric but awesome and unexpected music.  NOW what you really want to know.. Is there a song you just cannot listen to? Yes. Yes there is and it is the song White Limo from the "Wasting Light" album 2011 release. I cannot do it. I have tried to like it and I just dislike it. I openly admit I skip it any time it comes on. It's too much just yelling for me it gets into like screaming metal territory for me. 

What was the most surprising thing when you first saw them in concert? This is a great question someone asked me recently so I thought I would share this nugget of info here. Their concerts are 3 hours long. I am not joking. It is intense. This is a marathon concert where you better not have to work the next day because you cannot talk, you cannot walk... you just need to lay down. This is because if you are a super fan like me you know every... single... song. You sing along while the music is pulsing through your veins. You cling and dance to those around you. I assume this time I see them I may sob through half the damn concert. If they play These Days also from the "Wasting Light" album 2011 which was my COVID-19 survival jam I will for sure being crying in a puddle. 

Here are some fun photos from past concerts: 

Yes. This stage in Madison WI tilted and moved. These were the closest tickets we ever had. 

Dave!

I have forcefully made my friends love Foo! I mean it is not hard the music is so dang good. Cannot wait to see them all again this Friday. We will miss you Alyssa take care of that adorable Owen of yours. 

Ryan and I. He has been to every show with me!

I am really excited for this Friday if you cannot tell. I am sure it will be another show for my memories and the record books. Concert #5 here I come!

Stay safe and healthy-

Emily 

Back Yard Renovation July 2021

 Progress! 

I like this word it makes me feel like we are actually getting somewhere. When we bought our house we knew we needed a new deck, to fix the fence and do something with the side yard that refused to grow grass. Here we are years later and it is finally starting to feel like a little oasis. When you buy a house you think you will get everything done in no time. You make little lists of what you want to do but then reality hits when you realize it costs a lot of money, blood, sweat and tears to get it all done. I will be the first to admit that I am blessed to have a spouse that is extremely handy and tackles many of these projects to the point he is exhausted from planting trees this weekend. Here are so recent photos with some of the work we have been doing. A note here too paying others or knowing your limits is not a bad thing we hired someone to do our deck and pergola. Could Ryan (my husband) done them himself? Sure but it would have taken him a lot of time. 

The above images are the side yard that is just a little sliver along our home. It is between our lot and our neighbors. For years we tried to grow grass but in recent years we just mulched it all in, removed an old tree stump, planted 4 trees, Ryan built a cool stand for our hammocks and a little retaining wall. At the bottom of the wall he placed out little planter he made out of the fence posts that fell down years ago in a storm. Now we have these cute little pots here too to look at while in the hot tub. Ryan also replaced some rooted fence posts and we stripped and painted the leftover fence we have. The fence was a labor of love taking us a year and a half to complete. The last picture is before we removed the weeds and put the cute pots in this year.

The next space up in the yard is most likely the biggest yard change and of course cost the most. Where the back yard meets the tiny side yard we went through the difficult process and expense at that of installing a hot tub during COVID-19. It involved multiple permits, meeting with the city and loads of money. We are so happy with it though. The pergola was built by someone we hired. Ryan did build the sand stand surround and the stairs which were old wood from the deck that was replaced. The sun shade was purchased from Amazon. We are really excited for the future of this part of the back yard. 

Here is the last part of our tiny backyard the deck and corner before the side yard. Now we used to have an enclosed fence that went all the way to the end of the house. If you have followed me on social media you would have heard about a large part of that fence falling down because the  giant tree that used to be next to the deck pushed on it so hard and it was rotting. Ryan in the past year has replaced the rotting posts and used the wood from the  fallen fence to make all sorts of furniture and decorative walls in our home. He is good at not wasting wood. The fixed fence was painted as well this was mentioned above. The concreate patio was done before we bought the house and it works but causes some drainage issues we are working on with pea gravel along the fence to prevent future fence rot. Ryan stripped the deck and we had it rebuilt this year as the wood on the deck part was rotting. It looks great! We also bought replacement trees for the 3 trees we cut down along the house this year. It's really coming together. We are not thinking about upcoming mulch, maybe an arbor and finally planting grass by the deck. 

The joys of home ownership is that things are never really complete! 

Until next time~ Emily 

2021 Indy car races at Road America

 I barely took pictures so this is more of a text post sorry/not/sorry. I have been going to Road America for years. It is one of my favorite race tracks. There is something to be said about the smell of the racing fuel, the quick pace of cars around the corners and the thrill of an almost crash. 

This weekend when we went the races I could not believe the crowds. I go here often throughout my life and outside of a Nascar weekend this is the busiest I have ever seen it. We started by parking at the bottom of corner 5 (yes this track has multiple corners!) and walked around. The weather was hotter than I expected as the weather guy was wrong about it raining yet again. It did not rain. It was cool to see all the sponsor stands and take a quick walk through pit lane. I am not a fan of groups of people still so we tended to stray from that as much as possible. We then decided to watch a little of the race ending and then we were on the hunt for food. We found the perfect spot to watch the Indy race in the last corner before the finish line with a food/drink stand, cover in case it rained and TV to watch when they were not in our corner. I mean the course is 4 plus miles so you need a screen to see it all. 

Fun note of interest I have really gotten into watching this docu-series on Netflex about formula 1 that follows the racers called Formula 1: Drive to Survive. I bring this up because one of the drivers I really liked is now racing for Indy so I got to see him (Romain Grosjean) finish 5th at the race. 

Here are some highlights: 

Here is the only picture of an actual car I took all day. I was taking pictures with my brain though all day. Super cool! 

It really turned out to be a lovely day for a race. Enjoyed some slushies and an awesome view. 

I love being back to doing the things I love. We also went to a concert Saturday night! Keep staying safe out there. 

Until next time~ Emily 

Rhubarb Slush

 

It's that time of year were I am finding things to do with my giant rhubarb plant. A little background on this plant. I have had it for over 5 years now and it is a monster. I got it from this sweet old lady selling tiny plants at the farmers market. Each year I need to find new ways to use the bounty of the monster plant. This year I was determined to make rhubarb slush and it is AMAZING. Ryan and I tried it out last night. 

Here is the recipe. I think you could use strawberries too and it would be great.

What you need~

• 8 cups of rhubarb washed and chopped loosely
• 6 cups of water 
• 2 cups of sugar 
• 1 can of frozen lemonade concentrate 
• 1 can of frozen orange juice concentrate 
• 2 cups of booze (I used vodka)  
• 1 ice cream type bucket to use that can be frozen
• Lemon/Lime soda to serve 

Set out the frozen concentrates 20 minutes before starting to thaw. Start by cleaning and placing your rhubarb in a large pot with the sugar and water. Boil until the rhubarb is really soft. Place a colander over the ice cream bucket you will be using. Strain the hot rhubarb mix over the bucket careful to not let any of it get into the liquid you are straining. Add the thawed out concentrates and booze then mix really well. Freeze for at least 24 hours. Take the mix out and shave/stir it up. Place back in freezer till you want to use it. Then you can start drinking it whenever you wish. I take two giant scoops of the mix and then pour the lemom/lime soda over the top. 

I will be making this with strawberries next for sure. Such a delight! 

Until next time~ Emily 

Paddling: We can do HARD things!

 I love being on the water. I have always loved it even as a child. As an adult I want to be out there even more as it helps with my mental health. It's often very relaxing to paddle around out on the water on a nice day. I don't really have good stamina with it though as my upper body is not the strongest. I bring this whole thing up because I just did something yesterday I am really proud of. Often I go with more experienced paddlers who I am sure annoyed with how slow and limited I make the paddle. 

So Sunday.... 

We went to a lake we have never been to before in Green Lake. Once we put in and started paddling around we noticed the lake was really busy with traffic and the water was pretty gross. We laughed because of course they named it Green Lake it is GREEN! I of course was unsure how long we would be out paddling. In the past I start to get fatigue and over heat really easily on the water. I made sure right away to keep my pacing at a pace I could do that was not with Ryan speed. He can really paddle fast. On top of the pacing I packed water and made sure to get my feet wet/arms wet throughout the paddle. We also stopped for about 20 minutes out of the 3 hour paddle to swim around a bit and cool off. I think for me too I get to a point where I could paddle for hours was really impressive for me and it reminded me that I can do hard things. 

You can do hard things. We can do hard things! 

Hope you lean into your challenges this week. Stay safe and healthy out there!

-Emily 

Some Thoughts On Hair

 I am sure you came to this post thinking... what is this all about? Well it's just my thoughts on something people find important and part of their identity really. After almost 35 years on this earth over time my hair has gone through every length almost and I look back on the styles... cuts and am always surprised how hair can really define a person. I have always wondered why that is too because for me I like to have my hair cut and colored and looking good too but I never thought how it can make or break your attitude like daily. 

I actually became sort of fixated with cutting my hair during the pandemic. Thank goodness my hair stylist Heather is patient with me.  I have for years known my hair does not do well long. I do not have thick hair so when it grows out it is really just stringy looking and not a good look. Over the past years I have rocked a bob and loved it. So post pandemic for me after being vaccinated I thought about going for a longer pixie. Yes. A pixie and we ended up with a pixie bob. I am loving having short hair and it's funny because I thought I would get more comments on it. Specifically negative comments. 

Let's dive into that a bit. Social norms. I don't like them and I think it is silly that in our culture you cannot have long hair as a guy and not be considered a hippy, in a band or in a biker gang. Same thing for woman who want to rock short hair. Why is short hair for old ladies only? I feel like you do what you want to do with your hair that makes you feel good. I actually found that my husband who now has long hair gets A LOT of comments on his hair like non-stop when we see family and friends. I found this so very interesting because I expected the comments on my hair not his. 

Also fun fact: I have a bald spot on the back of my head. Super funny. Well not for poor Heather when she found it but it is something funny to laugh at now. 

This was last weekend. Rocking short hair! 

I am loving the short hair with cute headbands.

This was right before the big chop post COVID-19 pandemic.

My hair was the longest it had ever been for my wedding in 2013. 

This is Ryan and I on our 1 year anniversary in high school. Notice my messy longer curls. ugh.

I made a life mistake during the pandemic and used overtone on my hair. Sorry Heather! It made my hair a rose gold that will not go away. 

I have had many lengths over time this is me and my grandmother years ago this was a in between length.

I rocked a bob for a couple years and loved it. Not as much as my short hair but I liked it! 

Remember do what you want with your hair. What makes you feel good? I also highly recommend that you find a hair stylist you can trust with your hair that will not just do what you want but work with you on what looks good on you and is honest with you on what is do-able. I go to Heather at The Bewitchery. She is the very best. 

Stay safe out there! 

- Emily