Compassion in Action

It's been a rough week for my family. I have a ton of support there is no bones about it. At the same time this is not my first loss in my family. I have lost my mother-in-law and my beloved grandmother in the same year 10 years ago. When someone loses a loved one we often don't know what to say nor do. I thought to myself yesterday that lose is awkward. But why is that? I think it is our culture honestly. Everyone is expected to be happy and chipper all the time. Which is silly we are all dealing with something deep emotionally. It does not even need to be someone passing away it could be an upcoming test in college, stress at work, infertility within your marriage etc. etc. etc. I thought what are the ways that we can show compassion to others that is not awkward? I find that actionable things for others have the most impact. So here are some tips to help you maneuver this complicated world.

1. Just let them know you are thinking about them.
This is the simplest thing you can do. It takes you 2 minutes to shoot over a message to someone to show your support. "Thinking of you." "Hey this is rough let me know if you need to get together to just chat." This is something easy you can do.

2. You offered to be there to chat and now they want to what do you say?
You do not have to try to cheer them up just be there to listen. Most people are not looking for a therapy session.  If the person specifically asks you for advice sure go all in but that is not what most people want. I mean sometimes I may want to get a beer and just sit. Just being willing to sit with someone goes a long way.

BIG TIP: Avoid the dreaded following statements if you can: "Time will make it better." "They are in a better place." "You can always adopt."

3. Bring food.
This sounds dumb I know but if someone is stressed about a test or had a death in their family the last thing they are thinking about is going to get food or make food. I like to keep it to simple things like my favorite bread or a pound of high quality coffee. You do not need to shower people with gifts but it is a nice comfort to the person that is going through a hard time.

4. Follow-up is important.
So you told them congrats on your baby and brought over a casserole. You did your duty right? I mean showing real compassion is the follow through. Check in from time to time to make sure they don't truly need anything. I know some of my mom friends feel super supported in the beginning and then after the cute newborn is month old away goes the help. You do not want anyone to feel isolated when they are struggling. Follow-up and check in often to make sure they are still okay.

5. It's okay if you do not know what to do or say.
Do not beat yourself up. Helping people that are struggling is awkward and can be frustrating too. Not everyone deals with stress or loss the same and trying to navigate this with different people can suck. It really can and giving yourself a break  is the best thing. I am no stranger to saying "I am here for you. I do not know what to say to help but I am here when you need me." Being real with people goes a long way. It's reaching out that is important.

So in the end what I want you to take away from this wall of text is that compassion... real compassion is action. You cannot show compassion to someone without acting and doing something. Remember it is awkward for us all but you can always be supportive.

Until next time~
XoXo Emily